Rhythms

April 11, 2012 in Musings with 0 Comments

Side note:  Every time I try and spell the word “rhythm” I have to stop and rethink it because I spell it incorrectly every time.

Anyways, I got out of my rhythm a couple weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I was in a really good rhythm.  I would wake up, write a little, read my Bible or pray, and sometimes I even woke up early enough to work out.  Then I’d go to work.  I’d come home and relax, work on my upcoming message for church or practice music, hang out with my wife, and then go to bed.  It was a good routine.  A rhythm.

Life, like music, works really well in rhythms.  Arhythmic music, while unique and artsy, is sort of unsettling to me.  I need to know where the beat is.  Give me the first beat in a song and I can take it from there.  I just need to know the rhythm.

In life, I get to set the rhythm.  I’ve heard other people make comments about how the pace of their life seems out of control.  But really, I am the only one who can decide how fast or how slow I want to go.  I can decide how much I want to put on my plate at once.  Work?  Yes.  I have to do that.  Sleep? Another necessity.  Time with my wife?  Of course.  Family and friends?  Yep.  Volunteering?  Ok, that’s a good thing to do.  Serving at church?  Yeah, that’s good too.  Bandaging limbs of little hurt puppies?  Ok.  Rescuing neighborhood kittens from trees?  Is that really necessary?

Ok, I don’t do the last two.  But I choose what to devote my time and my energy too.  If it’s too much, then I need to say no to some things.  But as long as they’re in a sustainable rhythm for me, then I’m good.

Two weeks ago, we had some friends come over and stay with us, which was awesome.  But it just meant that my rhythm was a little off because I was not about to do my fake girl push-ups in front of them at six in the morning.  So I didn’t work out all week.

The following week was spring break and we went out of town.  I drove probably well over a thousand miles in all during the course of the week.  While it was fun, my rhythm was totally screwed up.  I didn’t write, I read my Bible as much, and I certainly did not work out.

So here I am, Wednesday, and I’m still trying to get back into the rhythm.  I still haven’t made myself work out yet, and I know that’s what it will take.  I’m just going to have to make myself.  When you’re out of rhythm, the only way to get back in is to make yourself jump back in and start working to the beat.  So I’m starting here with writing again, finally.  And this week I will work out at least once.  And then next week I’ll do more.

Out of rhythms, I’m not productive.

What about you? How do keep yourself balanced with all the stuff you do?

Life Lessons from an Artichoke

April 2, 2012 in Musings with 0 Comments

Last year when we bought our house, we decided we’d try our hand at gardening.  I think we figured that’s what people do when they buy a house.  They start planting things.  A lot our landscaping was included when they built our house for us so we decided we’d buy some vegetables and herbs and plant them.  We bought a bell pepper, tomato, cucumber, basil, thyme (cause I always seem to run out of time.  See what I did there?), and rosemary. Imagine the glorious bounty we would have come harvest time!

Or so we thought.

Here’s what we discovered about ourselves:  we’re really terrible at gardening.  Which is hard to believe because you really just dig holes and put things in the ground and cover them up again.  The earth and the sun and some water really do all the work for you.  But somehow we did something wrong because within a few months, the tomato plant had withered, the cucumber outgrew everything and tried to take over, and the bell pepper produced a few tiny red ones that never turned green.  I’m scared to eat them.  I felt a little like a failure and pretty much had written off gardening for me as a hobby.

And then one day I looked around the corner of our house and saw this:

I had planted an artichoke plant that I completely forgot about.

I love artichokes, those tender, flowery thistles of deliciousness.  Some people have never had them or don’t like them, which I find hard to believe since anything is good if you dip it mayonnaise or butter.

I had forgotten about this plant because it died.  Everything above ground testified to that fact.  I wish I had a before picture to show you because it was shriveled and brown.  I assumed it had died and would never come back.  I was tempted to go in and dig it out but I just never found the time to do it.

And then, I turned the corner one day to see that this had happened.  And now it’s taking over our house.

It kind of reminded me of dreams.  Maybe you had a dream that you think is dead.  You had an idea in your mind of what you would be doing with your life or what your family would look like.  You had a dream of what kinds of kids you would have or what your marriage would be like.  You thought you’d have a certain amount of security or a certain income.  And you’re not living those dreams.  And everything on the surface would seem to show that those old dreams are shriveled and dead.  You might have even considered digging them up and throwing them away for good.

But you’d be wrong to do that.  Because even though it looks dead, even though it’s dry and withered and you can point to it and say, “Look!  It’s dead!” you don’t know the end of the story.  Because under the surface, maybe God is doing something you can’t see, something you could never imagine.  Maybe God is working on something in the shadows and suddenly one day you’re going to turn a corner in your life and see that a dream you thought was long dead is suddenly in full bloom.

It’s not over till it’s over.

There’s so much going on under the surface that you don’t even know about.

I would dare you to believe that your dreams are not dead.  I believe in a God that is greater than all my past failures, greater than all of my mistakes and screw ups. If it were only up to me to make my life matter, to make my life be what I thought it could and should be, I’d probably agree that my dreams were dead.

But it’s not up to me.  My faith isn’t in me.  My faith is in someone greater.

So even though your dream looks dead, it just might be getting ready to break through the surface and take over.

Life lessons from an artichoke.

Boy or Girl

March 27, 2012 in Fatherhood, Uncategorized with 1 Comment

When you tell someone you’re going to have a baby, there’s a strong likelihood of two responses.  One is, “Congratulations!”  The other is, “Do you know what you’re having yet?”

I suppose it’s human nature to wonder whether the baby will be male or female since so much is determined by that fact.  And not just room colors, baby clothes, and stuffed animal choices.  Having a boy opens one world and having a girl would open a completely different world – two very different futures for me as a dad.  Honestly, I can’t wait to just have the baby so I don’t really care what it is although Jill and I have talked about that we’d at least like one of each.  We don’t care which comes first.

As you’re probably aware there quite a few scientific (?) tests to determine what the sex of the baby will be.  There’s the needle test, or something like that.  It makes no sense to me but apparently male or female-ness is determined by the way the needle spins?  And then there’s the determining factor of how sick Jill has felt so far, with the degree of nausea somehow being a deciding factor in determining boy or girl.  I don’t remember which is supposed to make you sicker.  And then there’s always the feeling test.  You know, because Jill and I “feel” like we’re going to have a boy.  At least we did.  Until the Chinese Birthing Calendar.

A friend of Jill’s showed her the Chinese Birthing Calendar and that messed us all up.  Oh you Chinese and your infinite wisdom!  Apparently you look at this chart that shows that month of conception and the mother’s age at birth and it will tell you male or female.  And wouldn’t you know?  It’s been correct for every single person we’ve asked (except for one).  So according to that calendar, we’re having a girl.  We’ll know for sure in about 4-6 weeks hopefully.  But until then, the question remains looming over us.

And it’s a great question.  But as I was thinking about the future, I realized that no matter what it is, boy or girl, there is still so much riding on me as a father.  I’ve heard people say that boys are way easier than girls, and then other people say that they’d much rather have girls than boys.  To me, it’s doesn’t really matter.  Because no matter what, I have a huge responsibility.

If it’s a boy, then I have the responsibility to show him what kind of man he should be.  I get to set the example on what it means to be a leader.  I get to model what it looks like for a man to follow Jesus and honor God with his life.  It’s my responsibility.  He won’t get this from anyone else like he can get it from me.  It’s my job to show him how a man should treat a woman, how a husband should love and honor his wife.  It’s my job to model what it means to be a great father.  If it’s a boy, it’s my job to show him what being a man really means, to define masculinity not how our culture would define it but how God would define it.  It’s my job to steer him away from the counterfeit idea of manhood that permeates our world.

If it’s a girl, then I have the responsibility of showing her what it means to be treated right by a man.  It’s my job to demonstrate love for her and be the kind of man that I will one day want her to marry.  It’s my job to constantly build up her self-esteem and fight for her.  It’s my job to deflect all of the world’s ideas of what it means to be a woman today and what beauty is and teach her what God says instead.  It’s my job to guard her and protect her.  It’s my job to fight for her and model the way a man is supposed to lay down his life for his wife.  Here’s a great article I read recently about fathers and daughters from Orange Parents.

Honestly, I don’t know which one is harder.  I look at both of these and I realize that boy or girl, there’s no way I can do this without God’s help.  There’s no way I can be the perfect father that I want to be.  There’s no way I can do all of this unless I have God leading me and teaching me along the way.  But isn’t that the same with everything?  There’s no way I can love my wife the way he wants me to and the way I want to unless I have his help.  This is a joint venture, God and me.  I’m not doing this alone.  There’s no way I can.

So I can’t wait to find out what it is.  And I’ll be excited no matter what.  But the weight of responsibility that God has entrusted to me doesn’t really change.  There is a high calling on us fathers, no matter boy or girl.

Helpful Baby Handling Tips

March 23, 2012 in Random, Uncategorized with 0 Comments

Our friends the Grubel’s found these helpful baby handling tips online a while ago and shared them with us.  These are good things a new parent-to-be like me should keep in mind…

 

 

Behavior Trumps Knowledge Every Time

March 23, 2012 in Musings, Uncategorized with 0 Comments

Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule?

It’s one of Dave Ramsey’s brilliant little sayings.  Maybe he adapted it from someone else, but it’s written in his books and he says it a lot.

The 80/20 rule says that handling money is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge.  The idea behind this is that your behavior as it relates to money is way more important than just what you know about money.  You can learn all about money, read books about handling money, and listen to people like Dave talk about money.  But at the end of the day what you know is not nearly as important as what you do.

Dave Ramsey is awesome because he’s like your grandma’s old, sensible wisdom about money delivered like a blunt sledgehammer of truth.  His advice is so simple and so straightforward that anybody can do it.  I think his 80/20 rule is true about money and that same truth can be applied to almost any other area of life.

Jill and I have discovered this for ourselves recently.  After starting to budget and track our expenses and accounting for every dollar we spend, we found out that the hardest part of all of this is just making ourselves do it.  We can budget and read and listen to all the material we want to, but when it comes down to it, the key is when I want to buy those Oreos I don’t need and have never needed, I put them back.  Instead of buying that movie on iTunes, I watch one of the many I already own.  Instead of eating out for lunch every day, I brown bag it.  The key is in those little, unglamorous, boring, day to day decisions.  And then over time, those decisions shape our entire financial future.

In other words, it’s not so much what I know that shapes my future; it’s what I do that has the potential to change my trajectory in life.  My behavior trumps my knowledge every time.

This even applies to exercise.  About a month ago, a couple guys I work with and I decided we would make a pact and do P90X at the same time.  Even if we didn’t do the workouts together, we decided we would follow the plan as best we could and hold each other accountable.  34 days in, I’ve done way more in the program now than all my previous failed attempts.  The key I’ve found in working out is oddly simple… you just have to work out.  You have to carve time out and make it a priority.  And then you have to lift the weights, do the pull ups, do the squats and lunges.  And if you do it, it doesn’t really matter what you know or don’t know.  You’ll see results because you have changed your behavior.

Simple right?  Then why don’t we do this?

Sometimes I over think things and I forget that the key to accomplishing something is not to just think; it’s more about doing.  It’s about changing my behaviors to get results.

So what are you waiting on that you just need to do?  What’s a behavior you need to stop or start?  A work out plan?  A diet?  A Bible study?  Sometimes you just need to decide and do it.

Because like handling money or exercising, real change happens as a result of your behavior.

Ultrasounds, Babies, and What God Sees When He Looks At You

March 21, 2012 in Uncategorized with 3 Comments

The room was warm because of the heat of the ultrasound machine.

There was a calm, soothing whirring sound.  The lights were dim in the room and the light of the screen illuminated Jill’s face and that of the nurse practitioner.

It was our second ultrasound and at 12 weeks we were hoping to see a lot more than we did at 8 weeks.

Although at 8 weeks that was pretty remarkable too:  on a screen of non-distinct black and white blurs, there’s a little blob.  And in that blob there’s a tiny heart pulsing away at 167 beats per minute.  Up until that point it had still been a head knowledge thing; the test said we were pregnant so we were going with that.  But now we had proof.  Video proof of a baby growing inside my wife.  As people who have gone through this before told me, there is nothing like seeing your unborn child on the screen and hearing that heartbeat.

So this week at our 12 week appointment, as the screen came into focus and I saw a tiny baby this time instead of a blob, it took on a whole new reality.  This was my son or daughter.  This was a tiny baby growing and developing, a baby who will grow up to be someone.  He or she will accomplish something, touching the world and all those in it.

And as we watched the screen shift and change as the nurse practitioner tried to get a better view, the baby suddenly kicked its leg.  In real time.  Kicking.  And then it moved its hands.

And then it was still again.

“Oh, looks like he or she wants to sleep right now,” the nurse said.

Sleep?  Yeah.  This baby, no bigger than a lime or kiwi, has sleep cycles.  And it’s moving hands and legs, fingers and toes.  And starting to swallow.

And in that warm, dimly lit room, with modern technology whirring away and my child on the screen, I could think of nothing but the promise of the future.  I could only think of all the things this baby, this person, will accomplish in their life.  I could only think of the joy of seeing him or her take first steps, start to speak, go to school, make friends, grow and grow and love all those he or she comes into contact with.  All I could see was possibility.

As a new father, it’s easy to look at that baby on the screen and see nothing but promise.  I don’t think of the mistakes that my son or daughter will make, although I know they’ll make them.  I don’t think of the difficulties they’ll have in life although I know they’ll deal with them like we all do.  I don’t think about the heartache they’ll endure when things go wrong.  Nope.  All I see right now is promise.  All I see is potential.

And as I stood there in that dim, warm room looking at the future on the screen, I thought, I bet that’s how God sees us.

So often we want to come to him on the basis of everything we’ve done or haven’t done.  I find myself doing this from time to time.  I don’t do it consciously but then I start to realize that I’m approaching him on the basis of all the mistakes I’ve made.  I think we tend to keep our list of past misdeeds and shortcomings close at hand.  We’re quick to remind ourselves and God about how much we don’t deserve anything from him.

And I think God knows that we’re just missing the point.  Because the Bible talks about how “the spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.  And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Romans 8:15).  That word Abba is like our word for Dad.  Or Daddy.  God really wants us to relate to him like that?  Like… Dad?  We can be considered God’s… children?

And I just have to think that God is looking at us thinking, Yes. To me, you’re like that tiny baby on the ultrasound screen.  All I see is promise.  All I see is your potential.  And of course I know you’ll mess up and make mistakes.  But you’re my child.  I’m your father.  So I see nothing of your shortcomings and I just see you as my son.  My daughter.  All I see is hope.  You keep bringing up your past but all I care about is your future.

So we should stop approaching God on the basis of all we have or haven’t done.  Because we can never behave good enough.  Instead, we should accept the fact that we’re sons and daughters. That we – that you, are that baby on the ultrasound screen.  And God doesn’t see your screw ups or past failures.  All he sees is your potential.

 

 

Big Announcement!

March 20, 2012 in Uncategorized with 9 Comments

Life tends to move really fast for me sometimes.  Does it for you?

I’m busy.  I have to get up and go to work.  I have to go home, help clean, help make dinner.  I have to sleep.  I have to get up and do it all over again.  And none of these are bad things by any means.  But so often life is about doing, completing, accomplishing.  Finish one thing and then onto the next.

And then sometimes I can make myself slow down.

I do this when I force myself to exercise.  Or have a quiet time and open up the Bible and ask God to speak to me.  Or when I write and force myself make sense of my thoughts on paper or on the screen.  Or when Jill and I have dinner together and just talk about our day.  These are the times I love.  The times when I get quiet and I can just… breathe.

It’s in the moments that I slow down and take the time to think and relax that I often reflect on just how blessed I am.  I realize that I’m blessed to have a wife like I do.  I realize that I’m so blessed to have a family like I have.  And the friends I have.  Real friends.  And the church family I have.  And the job I’ve been given that helps support my family.  And sometimes I wonder – how can it get any better?  If I sound proud or full of myself, it has nothing to do with that.  If anything, it’s completely humbling.  When I pray, I often find myself saying things to God like, “You are so amazing – how could you top yourself?  What else could you do to prove how good you are?  How could it get any better?”

And then, in January of this year, God answered this question.  It’s almost like he said, Ok Tim.  I’ll show you how I can outdo myself.  Here’s how it can get better:

Baby Douty 8 Weeks Old!

 

Yep, Jill and I are so thrilled to announce that we are EXPECTING!

This has been a journey of faith for both Jill and I and an answer to many prayers over the last year and a half.  God is so faithful and every day we are so amazed at how good he is.

Jill is 12 weeks pregnant and we just had our 12 week appointment yesterday.  She is due September 29.

There’s a lot of excitement at the Douty house these days, but I hope to be doing a lot more slowing down and savoring the amazing moments as they come.  I cannot wait to be a dad and Jill was born to be a mom.

Our family is getting bigger and Jill and I can’t wait!

We’d love and appreciate all your prayers for us over the coming months.

 

 

 

Putting Off Happiness

March 17, 2012 in Uncategorized with 0 Comments

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!  And Happy Saturday!

This is no doubt the day of the week that you’ve dreamt of the most.

Probably not St. Patrick’s Day, unless you’re Irish, in which case Erin Go Bragh and enjoy your Guiness tonight.

I meant Saturday.

All your hopes have been pinned to this day, the end of your work week, the start of your lazy day or family day or home-project day or whatever it is you planned or didn’t plan.  I know.  I’m the same way.  And I work in an office building full of people who feel the same way.  Every Friday as we pass each other in the halls and one of us asks, “How are you today?” the response is almost universal:  ”Great.  It’s Friday!”  As if the fact alone that it’s Friday makes up for any other terrible business that’s going on that day.  It’s ok because it’s Friday.

The reverse is true on Mondays.  I read somewhere that the number of suicides typically increases on Mondays.

What?  A day of the week influences whether or not someone is more likely to end their life?  That’s pretty bizarre.

But even I am usually a little more subdued on Monday mornings.  And everyone I work with is as well.  And it’s not that my job is so horrible that I’m hating the fact I’m back at work.  I really like my job.  It’s just that Monday, the start of the work week, they day when I look at four more days of work ahead of me, is a great excuse for me to do something that a lot of us do.

I put off my happiness to a later date.

Continue Reading…

Preach Better Sermons

March 16, 2012 in Uncategorized with 0 Comments

Yesterday I watched an online conference called “Preach Better Sermons” given by the organization Preaching Rocket.  Like the title suggests, the purpose of the conference was for pastors and teachers in the church to get together and learn from some of the best preachers in the modern American church community.  Since I’ve spoken a few times at church and I always want to get better and I love the subject of communication, I took the day off of work and watched the conference from home.

The whole thing was pretty fantastic and there were moments when I couldn’t write fast enough as I was taking notes.  Speakers included Perry Noble, Jud Wilhite, Andy Stanley, Jeff Foxworthy, Charles Stanley and Louie Giglio.  I loved hearing these guys talk about their craft – how they prepare, what their goal is, and why they do what they do.  Since I’m into that stuff, I thought I’d share a few things that stuck out to me: Continue Reading…

The Main Thing

March 13, 2012 in Faith with 2 Comments

I spend a lot of time thinking about the future.

Maybe that’s the twenty-something thing to do, but it consumes a lot of my thinking.  I think about when we’ll have kids someday (I keep telling Jill seven kids is the perfect number, but she just doesn’t seem to think that’s a good idea).  I think about when we’ll have been married for 10, 20, 30 years.  I think about my career and what I’ll be doing with my life once I figure it out.

A lot of the time I feel like I’ve been given a map to life, but the map only shows about the next three steps I’m supposed to take.  The rest of it is all blacked out and I won’t know where I’m supposed to go until I get there.  I don’t know where the destination is and I don’t really know how to get there.  I suppose that’s how life is for everybody but I’d just love for someone to flip the switch and give me a little more light so I could see the destination.

Lately I’ve been considering what do about work.  Jill and I have been talking and working through some financial things.  She’d eventually love to go part time or quit altogether someday but that’s not possible with my present job.  I have a really great job, but it’s just not enough to support us financially.  Which has gotten me thinking about avenues I could look into eventually.  I’ve considered taking a part-time job, looking into freelance writing, and maybe even going back into  the classroom at some point.

I’ve been working through all this stuff for the past few weeks and praying about what God would have me do.  And then my dad called me one morning.  I was busy getting ready for work and so I didn’t answer.  But the message he left was one of those things that was exactly what I needed to hear.

He said that you can’t make the problem the main thing.

You have to make God the main thing.

God is bigger than the problem, of course.

But you have to make God bigger in your mind and in your heart.

He said to worship God in the midst of the circumstances.  He said that you make God the biggest thing you can see, so that he fills up all you see and all you hear and all you focus on.  And then you let him take care of the rest.  Don’t make the problem the main thing.

Make God the main thing.

My good friend Paul wrote a great song about this very idea.  I helped write the music for it.  The song is called, “Bigger” and it’s about how all we want is for God to be bigger than anything else in our lives.  Bigger than our problems, bigger than our dreams, bigger than our hopes, bigger than our present situation, bigger than us.  It’s a pretty great song.

This is such a simple idea, like most central truths about life.  But I forget it all the time.  My temptation is that I feel like I’m irresponsible if I don’t keep the problem front and center in my life.  How can I take care of it if I don’t worry about it?  Do I just ignore it?  Do I just pretend like everything’s ok?  How can I even begin to not make it the main thing?

But then some words that Jesus said mess up that line of thinking, as words that Jesus said usually do.  Jesus asks this question: “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:27).  I love this question because it forces all of us to abandon our arguments and say, “No, Jesus.  We can’t.”  Jesus and his truth bombs always mess me up when I think I’ve got it figured out.

Whether I worry about my job, my family, my health, my family’s health, my money, or my future, nothing is changed or helped by the simple fact that I’m worried about it.  In fact, it’d be easy to make the case that you hurt things by worrying about them.  I think things are far better helped when I refuse to worry about anything and place my situation in the hands of God.  After all, Jesus taught that God wants to be known and related to by us as a father.  And every good father I know, even mediocre ones, love their kids enough to take on their worries and fears so the kids don’t have to.  We’re better off trusting in our Father.

I can’t add anything to my life by worrying.  Neither can you.  And when I worry, I make the problem the main thing.  So whatever you’re worried about today, don’t make it the main thing.  Make God the main thing.

Question:  What have you been making the main thing?

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